If I even reach 40.

Dear Future Self,

How are you? Today, I decided to write letters to you. I am 32 years old now. I cannot imagine how I would look 8 years from now, but I hope you get to see and read these letters when you reach 40.

When I was a kid, 30 years old looked old to me. I still have memories of my mother and father in their late 20s. But it’s as if these memories were just a few moments ago.

Time is weird. I still feel like I am that 8 year old kid trying to convince himself that Santa is real. I still feel like I am that 14 year old teenager trying to figure out if he’s going to be an Egyptologist or a Biologist. Or I still feel like I am that 23 year old trying to squeeze in as many experiences possible in his 20s. Or the 29 year old, trying to regret not doing “enough” in his 20s. It feels like everything is happening all at the same time. It has been said many times by quantum physicians that even the future is happening right now.

40 years old is now. And if life begins at 40, life begins now.

Healing.

Exactly last month, I underwent a major surgery. It was an open chest surgery, or what they call “Sternotomy”. They found a rare tumor in my Thymus Gland, so the doctors had to remove the whole gland including the 8cm tumor. I am healing now as I write this. I learned these things in the first month of healing:

1. Health is wealth. I started my fitness journey around January 2020, before the pandemic. 2 months after, we all went into lockdown. Luckily, the gym near our house opened exclusively for us. We had to sneak in discreetly just to get some muscle pump. I gained a good amount of physical strength. And this strength allowed me to heal quickly. If not for the daily effort and consistency of exercise, I may not be able to heal as fast as my recovery now. Exercise is a good investment.
2. Healing is team effort. As much as I want to claim that the quick recovery was because I am a medical marvel, I cannot. It’s team effort. After the surgery, my dad and uncle would drive me to Clark for my daily walk. My aunts would cook anything I want. My officemates are also understanding especially when without choice, they had to do the work I left. The team effort is what I appreciate the most during this time of healing. Of course, as much as I want my mom to be part of the team, I cannot. She’s in heaven now, cheering for me.
3. Gratitude. Gratitude became a new-age word. We now talk about gratitude in daily conversations and even in Facebook statuses of friends. But I never realized the importance of gratitude until now. The surgery gave me a lot of restrictions and precautions. I cannot move a certain way. I cannot take a proper bath. I cannot tie my shoes without taking too much effort. I cannot even carry a 3lb dumbell when I used to carry 55lbs in the gym. Areas of my life literally started from scratch and I am very grateful whenever I get to finally do things I took for granted before. 10 days post-op, I was able to shower my whole body and I almost cried in joy. I celebrated my first 10k steps post surgery. I celebrated when I was able to wear and remove a shirt on my own again.

This is me one month post-op while checking out some pants. The scar is now dry but I am trying to use ointments to dry it quicker.

Social Media Break

Last week, my friend and I decided to challenge each other to deactivate all social media accounts from April 18, 2022 til year-end. I have tried to deactivate my social media multiple times and promised myself to veer away from the social media craziness. Of course, I failed. Social Media won.

I have nothing against social media. I cannot just trust myself to be a good steward of the platforms. I spend hours scrolling and scrolling useless and toxic things. Anyway, this “off the grid” challenge seems effective now because:

1. There is accountability. It’s not just me this time, but it is already a challenge between me and my friend.
2. There is a reward/punishment. We decided that the “loser” will buy the “winner” a ticket to Taiwan. If both of us win, then both of us will go to Taiwan.
3. There is a plan. Of course, having a lot of time now, I can do other stuff that I cannot do before, like writing this blogpost. A well drafted action plan is a good weapon to fight the temptation to open up the social media.
4. There are bonus days. I can still open my social media accounts for 3 consecutive/non-consecutive days and during my birthday.

This week…